Women arrested for stealing clothes, concealing them in their fat folds

Two Oklahoma women were arrested yesterday for shoplifting $2,600 worth of clothes from TJ Maxx by concealing them in fat folds on their bodies.

And before you start thinking they were just taking t-shirts, these ladies somehow fit in four pairs of boots, three pairs of jeans, a wallet and gloves. According to arresting officer James Hamm, "These two were actually concealing them in areas of their body where excess skin was, under their chest area and armpits."

 

Ironically, I will now never be able to eat again.

Complete story over at the Orlando Sentinel: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/kfor-news-fat-roll-shoplifters-story,0,1507798.story

'Mission Accomplished' Banner May Fly Again in Bush Library

"Thumbs up to my awesomeness; thumbs down to this banner!"

Turns out that President George W. Bush not only can't run a country, he can't run a library either.

The "Mission Accomplished" banner from his May 1, 2003, speech on the USS Abraham Lincoln declaring combat operations in Iraq over may make a second appearance in his new presidential library. The catch is this: Even Bush thinks that banner made him look ridiculous.

This, however, is apparently fine.

An excerpt from Bush's latest book called the banner "a big mistake."

So, why can't Bush take control of what's in his own library? Not a clue. It's not like Clinton's library's got a blue stained dress in it. Maybe whoever's in charge of the National Archives just has a wicked sense of humor when it comes to Dubya.

Full article in The Washington Post here: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/44/2010/11/mission-accomplished-banner-ma.html?wprss=44

U.S. Embassy in China Warns of 'Crazy Bad' Pollution

The only three people left in Beijing that can still exercise without masks on.

If you saw this scene every day, how would you describe it? Toxic? Disastrous? Post-Apocalyptic?

Well, apparently our friends at the U.S. Embassy in Beijing have come up with their own ultra-precise terminology: "crazy bad."

The embassy releases air quality notifications every day, but on an especially bad day this week released a report calling the status of the pollution "crazy bad." Sounds more like the next Beyonce song than a weather report.

Can you imagine if the National Weather Service starting feeling this relaxed about their work? Would the Indian Ocean tsunami "hella huge"? Hurricane Katrina "probably going to fuck everything up?" La Nina "hot as balls"?

The embassy says that it will try to find more precise language in the future. And I guess to their credit, U.S. expats and visitors in China are probably pretty used to interesting takes on the English language.

Full report from NPR here: http://www.npr.org/2010/11/19/131438688/u-s-embassy-beijing-pollution-is-crazy-bad

Bristol Palin Wins DWTS, Man Shoots TV in Rage

Bristol Palin, now easier to shoot at than a wolf from a plane!

A nation of Tea Party-loving television viewers voted Bristol Palin the winner of "Dancing With the Stars," and while most people just had to deal with a Facebook feed full of jeering, 67-year-old Steven Cowen decided to let the whole neighborhood in on his immediate rage: He shot his television.

The dude didn't just take aim for his flatscreen friend, he next pulled the gun on his wife. Of course, the man is now in custody and, of course, that's got to be one awesome police blotter. I could feel sorry for this woman if it wasn't for this key part of the article:

Janice Cowan told officers that about 15 years ago her husband had threatened her with a machete when he couldn't find some ammunition and has threatened to shoot one of their cows.

Nice, so not only does this guy have a gun lying around any time he feels a little edgy, he's also got a back-up beheader!

Not quite sure if Palin's NRA-loving mom would approve or disapprove of all this.

Full article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/17/man-arrested-for-shooting_0_n_784799.html